Spark-off warning: Dear
reader, your venturing further into the reading of this article may
spark-off envy, especially if you are an ageing male marooned in a monogamous
marriage; the rendition could create a feeling of inadequacy. Proceed at your
own risk!
Once
upon a time, in the twenty first century, there lived a Nana jaan (beloved
maternal grandfather). He had granddaughters of marriageable age. About six
months back this zestful Nana jaan lost his wife due to old age. Being bored, he started
twittering. He tweeted his opinion on everything. Then one day he tweeted “I am
in a relationship with a married woman, a TV artiste, twenty five years my junior. Whoa.”
As
expected all hell broke loose. However, matters quietened down when the lady in
question tweeted sweetly that, “I am ready to tie the knot with my love as soon
as I get my divorce. Till then the relationship will continue.” That settled it. He had to be married off.
 |
| Image courtesy Internet |
Accepting
the inevitable, the granddaughters started preparing for a
big fat wedding for Nana jaan. Save the date invite gives a peep into the
wedding plan.
The
invite began thus: We, the grandchildren, have great pleasure in inviting you
to the wedding of our dear Nana jaan, on November 22, 2014 and would request
you to save the date.
Our
Nanee ji, to be, is the daughter of ….. oops, sorry, sorry. No, please make that
wife of Mr. Rai Bahadur. She is trying hard to separate officially from Mr. Rai
Bahadur but if it does not happen, then Mr. Rai Bahadur will give her away to
our Nana jaan on November 22. Mr. Rai Bahadur says that nothing would make him
happier than to perform the patni daan, if
it maybe called that, on that
auspicious occasion.
Have
A Quick First Look: Bro Karan has taken upon himself to attire the bride and
the bridegroom. You know how bro is. For the bridegroom it is a white designer sherwani with exquisite embroidery work
in silver thread. The sherwani has a
small V-opening at the top to showcase the cravat that Nana jaan will be
sporting round his neck. The pagdi is
adorned with an heirloom diamond. With choost
pyjama and silver coloured mojdis,
Nana jaan looked dapper at the trial.
 |
| Image courtesy Internet |
Bro
has, of course, gone OTT with the lehenga
and choli for the bride. The artistic
pattern, the gold thread embroidery and the precious stones in the ensemble,
made Nanee ji, to be, look unbelievably regal.
Sneak a peek into the Programme: At 7 o’clock of the
evening of November 22, the huge baaraat of
the bridegroom, headed by us, will start from Nana jaan’s house accompanied by
full band baaja. The first number
will be by Alka didi singing the famous song from Raj Kapoor’s film Aah but with the lyrics slightly altered
by an impish chachu to make them more
meaningful. Have a small glimpse of what it is going to be like:
Nana Jaan ki ayegi baraat,
Phir se rangeeli hogi unki raat,
Magan mein nachoongi, Ho, ho
Magan mein nachoongi………
Alka didi guarantees that her Runa-like rendering of
the song will send the gathering into raptures especially the youngsters who
will start dancing with full josh.
The High Point: At the reception, after the pundits
are done with, Nana jaan will do the present in-thing of Bollywood ishtyle
marriages by performing a sixty seven second (one second for each year of his
age) jig for the invitees. Nana jaan has been extremely sporting to agree to do
his thing to a two-line bit from a song in Yeh Jawaani
Hai Deewani. We are sure you must be knowing the song we are
referring to. Vaibhavi di, incidentally, has done a great job of choreographing
it. It will remain an unforgettable moment.
Nanee
ji, as she will officially be now, is slightly diffident of performing in view
of her changed position. She may just take a bow. After that the invitees will
dance their heart out till it is time for Bidaai.
The
Send-off: The event manager thinks that under the present circumstances this
has to be different from the usual Bidaai
– it will not be one of sadness of parting but a celebration of a union.
Therefore, when Nana jaan steps down from the stage to take the bride home, the
DJ will play:
Le jayenge le jayenge
dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge,
Aji reh jayange reh
jayenge,
dekhnewaley dekhte reh
jayenge.
 |
| Image courtesy Internet |
And
then, as the couple is about to reach the white horse carriage, the DJ will
play the sensuous Asha Bhosle and Lata Mangeshkar number from Utsav:
Man kyon behka re
behka aadhi raat ko
Bela mehka re mehka aadhi raat ko
Raat hoti shuru hai aadhi raat ko
Bela mehka re mehka aadhi raat ko
Raat hoti shuru hai aadhi raat ko
Man kyon behka re
behka aadhi raat ko
The Finale: Wishing Bon Voyage to our fun-loving
Nana Jaan onward to Hawaii for his honeymoon.
