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Thursday, August 28, 2008

US Playing Good Cop, Bad Cop With India - Post 007

As expected, some Nuclear Suppliers Group (NSG) members like Austria, Ireland and Switzerland are against giving India a "clean waiver" without a formal assurance from it that there will be no further nuclear tests. Now, New Zealand, Canada and Japan have also joined them. They are the bad cops. All the same, this is an upfront demand and India, if it so wishes, can reject it.

However, the real danger is the United States - playing the role of the good cop. The Bush administration is deploying the classic diplomatic strategy of appearing to be India’s friend whilst persuading the UPA government to give in to the demands of the above countries to incorporate the additional clause - that all nuclear commerce would come to a halt if India conducted any further nuclear tests. This would virtually mean signing the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT) in another form and accepting a status of a non nuclear weapons state permanently.

It would also mean that the pioneering work of over 60 years of the Indian nuclear scientists in developing indigenous nuclear technology, despite the strenuous attempts of the Western powers to suppress their endeavor, would also go in vain. As per the terms of the safeguard agreement, all further work would have to be done under the scrutiny of International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA). These scientists have done such highly creditable research work that even the nuclear deal 123 agreement, which also refuses to recognize India as a nuclear weapon state, admits that India is a state "possessing advanced nuclear technology."

Moreover, India also has sufficient uranium resources for its immediate requirements. Mr. Ramendra Gupta, the Chairman and Managing Director of Uranium Corporation of India Ltd., categorically stated on June 8, 2008, in an interview with a leading national newspaper, “We have enough uranium resources.” He went on to add, “There is some mismatch for the time being which is expected to be over once these new projects (mining and processing) are commissioned. And for 20,000 megawatt of power, we have enough uranium resources in the country.” By that time, hopefully, Indian nuclear scientists, if there are no restraints of IAEA on them, would have cracked the advanced heavy water reactor technology of using the substitute thorium, described as the fuel of the future, instead of uranium, to generate electricity on a massive scale. And we have the world’s largest reserve of thorium.

Therefore, there is absolutely no need for India, at the behest of USA, to back down on our terms of a clean waiver from the NSG. Security of India should not be compromised to propitiate the Bush administration.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Shahrukh Ke Pass Kya Hai - Post 006

An on site account of Kat’s Birthday Bash.

Enter Shahrukh.

“Hi, Kat. Happy birthday. Won’t you kiss me?”

“Of course Sharukh, I will. But in private.”

Laughter all around. Kat then goes off to meet other guests.

Sallu now enters the scene.

“Hi, Shahrukh.”

“Hi, Sals.”

“Dude, I believe you are getting too close to Kat. Just lay off her.”

“But, what can I do? She is the one who dreams about me all the while.”

“Oh, she told you about it.”

“Yeah, she did. But really not her fault. Actually, my charm is such; millions of women go to bed dreaming about me.”

“And I believe, some men too. Whatever be it, just forget about her. Remember dude, you are trespassing on my property.”

“Uh uh. That’s not right. Kings do not trespass. All properties belong to the king and he can go wherever he wants.”

“King or not, just lay off Kat.”

“Sals, threatening a king is high treason.”

“I don’t know about that but if you do not lay off her, I will make the king literally bite the dust in the next few moments.”

“Cool it, buddy, I was just kidding. Okay, if you say so, I will only stick to K… K… K… Kiran.”

“Hey, who is talking of my wife? No one is sticking to my Kiran. She is mine and only mine.”

“Heard that dude? Same way, Kat is mine and only mine.”

“And Kareena is only mine, for the time being at least” said a new voice.

Then all the 3 voices said in unison, “And, Your Majesty, who do you have of your own?”

The king having no one, thought for a moment and then said, “Mere pass K….K…. K….. Karan hai.”

And with that the king walked out from the party in a huff.


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Why Kat Went Under The Bed - (Post 005)

Kat picks the landline phone and hears,

“Hi, Little Kitten. Happy Birthday.”

“Oh, hi, Sharukh sweetheart. Thaaanks. Hope to see you at my birthday party to-night. Sweety, I’ve to tell you something. I’ve been thinking about you the whole night.”

“Oh, have you?”

“Yes darling. The kiss you gave me last night at my pre-birthday party is still lingering on my hot burning cheeks.”

“Oh, really.”

“And also the tight hug you gave me afterwards. I replay those moments in my memory all the time.”

“Oh, do you?”

“Yes dear, I do. Thank God Sallu was not there.”

“Oh, were you happy he was not there?”

“Yes, I was. He spoils everything.”

“Oh, does he?”

“Anyway, let us not talk about him. Tell me, when are you coming over to my pad?”

“I am on my way. Only this is not Sharukh but Sallu. Keep your door open. You know what I do to closed doors.”

“Help, Billy. Billy, please open the door quickly. He is coming.”

“Who? Sharkuh?”

“No, no. He is coming.”

“Oh my God.”

Both the sisters then cover themselves with a big single bed sheet and go under the bed.

“Billy, I have closed my eyes and you also shut your eyes tight. That way he will not be able to see us.”

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

God, Tussi Ka Jawab Nahi - Post 004

1. India is populated by 1.2 billion Indians. Yet, its sole undisputed leader is Made in Italy. God, tussi ka jawab nahi.

Folks, you can try and improve on this. Or, write your blog on my comments post; only it should end with"God, tussi ka jawab nahi." Remember, brevity is the soul of wit. Genuinely witty ones will be incorporated in this post with due credit given to the writer. Go for it.



Saturday, August 9, 2008

Mr. Speaker Sir, May I Speak

Mr. Speaker Sir,

The Hon’ble members of the 14th Lok Sabha have spoken on the motion of confidence moved by the Hon’able Prime Minister. They have also concluded their ‘deals on the deal’ and voted accordingly. May I address you now Hon’able sir?

What makes you feel that you have the right to address me?

Sir, I am the woman for whom the Indo-US nuclear deal is being signed. It is to give me energy that the governments of India and America are working so hard to have the deal signed. Therefore, I wish to say something in this regard.

Okay, you may go ahead.

Thank you sirjee. Mr. Speaker Sir, you may have heard that Rahul baba thinks that my cause of backwardness is lack of energy. He said so in the Parliament. Therefore, he is proposing to get electricity, at whatever cost, so that I can have light in my life.

Sir, onche log ke khyal bhi kitne oonche hote hai. Sir, I am very greatful to Rahul baba for getting the light for me but sir from where will I have money to buy that light? However, with your permission, I would like to make a humble suggestion and I hope the baba log of this House, most of them educated abroad, will not be offended.

Yes, go ahead.

Sir, if instead of giving such large sums to foreign companies for the nuclear reactors and the nuclear fuel, can we not spend a small fraction of the same money to create facilities for rain harvesting? My crops fail not because of lack of energy but lack of water. Sir, have you heard of Rajendra Singh?

You mean Rajendra Kumar the film actor?

No, no sir. Not the actor but Rajendra Singh the Magsaysay award winner for rain-harvesting. He has made so many villages of Rajasthan drought free.

No, no. I have not heard about him. In our party we are not allowed to read about BJP ruled states.

Sir, it is said that thanks to Rajendra Singh saheb five rivers of Alwar are seeing life after death. It is also said that he along with the villagers, was instrumental in rejuvenating River Ruparel that started flowing perennially after three decades.

Chhota mooh aur badi baat karma nahi chhahti hoon phir bhi I have heard from our sarpanch that the nuclear waste from nuclear reactors will remain radio active for thousands of years. Sir, Rajendra Singh bought dead rivers back to life but I do not know what we are goint to bequeath our future generations – I hope they find some way to deal with the radio active material.

Sir, I would like to end my address to you with a message of hope. Sir, you will have to excuse me if I go back to Rajendra Singh for the last time. When Rajendra Singh was asked, “Is it possible for other villages in India to replicate your success in making Rajasthan drought-free?” He said, “Definitely. Not only in India, it is possible throughout Asia.”

Sir, I hope Rahulji will bring rainwater harvesting to Maharashtra and all the other states before bringing energy we cannot afford. I would like to thank you for giving me a patient hearing. Dhanyawaad.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Dr. Manmohan meets President Bush - Post 002

The Indian Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh and the American President George W. Bush had some time back scheduled a very important meeting in Japan. The meeting was to discuss the progress of the Indo-US nuclear deal that both the governments were planning to sign in the near future.

Well, as everyone knows, the meeting was a pre-breakfast one at 6.30 in the morning. Our PM was sharp on time as he rang the bell of the Presidential suite. However, he was taken aback when the President of the USA himself opened the door – with an electronic toothbrush in his mouth. He gestured to the PM to walk in as he rushed back to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.

As he came out again he said, “Mr. Prime Minister, I am so sorry but I over slept. Make yourself comfortable. I will just bring out my treadmill and do my exercise for 15 minutes. Of course, I will not be able to talk to you as the music will be on at the same time. Anyway, I have something for you to pass your time. Laura dear could you please give the PM the wedding album of our daughter? He would be happy to see the pictures.”

“But Mr. President, I have come to report the progress we have made on the important agreement that you and I signed in July 2005.”

“Aw Mr. Prime Minister, I sign so many agreements. Early morning, I cannot recollect the agreement you are referring to. Just let me finish my treadmilling and, then, perhaps I may remember. In the meanwhile have a look at the pictures.”

Fifteen minutes later, our poor PM has gone through the album thrice and knows by then all the guests by sight who attended the wedding of the President’s daughter.

The President finishes what he called his treadmilling and says, “Mr. PM, you will have to excuse me again for another 15 minutes as I have to shower.”

“But Mr. President, the agreement ..”

“Oh, yea. I vaguely remember it now. Was it about global warming? Or, was it about Iran? Anyways, let me go for my shower and I may remember some more details of our agreement. Laura darling could you give the esteemed Prime Minister of India our wedding album to while away his time whilst I get dressed.”

After another 15 minutes the President comes out looking fresh and glowing and our poor PM is wilting. He has just endured going through the President’s wedding pictures. “Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for being so patient. Mr. Prime Minister, you are aware how much I respect you and your great country but I am sorry that at this moment I have to have an important confidential talk with Condi. We have to give a fresh threat to Iran as the oil prices have started coming down. Please excuse me for a little while. Laura sweet heart can you get my father’s wedding album for the honored Prime Minister of India? And Laura, whilst you are about it, also my childhood pictures album. I do not know how long I will take with Condi.”

Forty-five minutes have passed since the PM came to meet the President. The PM is decidedly looking pale. He has just seen the photographs of the three generations of Bushes. Finally, the Prez emerges and says, “Yes, Mr. Prime Minister, Condi just told me it is the nuclear deal we have to discuss. I had thought that the deal had already gone through because I found you so supportive of our policies on Iran in the last 3 years - just as it was envisaged in the Hyde Act. By the way, in a few hours from now, we are going to let out that Israel may bomb the nuclear facilities of Iran. Then, Mr. Prime Minister, see the oil prices rise. I love yo-yo-ing the oil prices”

“Yes Mr. President. Mr. President for the nuclear deal, the commies of our country are giving us a lot of trouble. But not to worry, I have just sent the safeguard agreement to IAEA without their knowledge. Boy, they are going to get mad when they find out.”

“Mr. Prime Minister, thank you very much for coming. Let us meet the media that is waiting out.”

The PM could only utter, “I was with the President for 50 minutes and I already feel like a family.”

Saturday, July 26, 2008

No Need for Indo-US Nuclear Deal - Post 001

Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and UPA chairperson Mrs. Sonia Gandhi are about to commit a grave mistake if they decide to go ahead and sign the India-specific safeguard agreement with the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA).

The whole ball-game on the India - US nuclear agreement decisively changed on June 8, 2008 when Mr. Ramendra Gupta, the Chairman and Managing Director of Uranium Corporation of India Ltd., categorically stated in an interview with Hindustan Times, “We have enough uranium resources.” He went on to add, “There is some mismatch for the time being which is expected to be over once these new projects (mining and processing) are commissioned. …And for 20,000 megawatt of power, we have enough uranium resources in the country.”

At present India is just producing about 4,000 megawatts of nuclear power. Therefore, the whole underpinning of the Indo-US nuclear deal, that India needs to import nuclear fuel as it does not have sufficient uranium reserves, falls through. Moreover, India also has the technology for uranium enrichment and the latest know-how for setting up the state of the art nuclear reactors. Thus, one does not see any need to sign the intrusive safeguard agreement, much less to operationalise the 123 agreement.